Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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