Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Holy sore nipples Batman
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
