somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
