...so i touched it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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