What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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