I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
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you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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