i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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