I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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