Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
