My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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