3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
