please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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