don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When are your genitals available?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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