I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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