I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
