I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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