I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
