This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
