im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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