found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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