Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
