1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
