I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
