the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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