i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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