Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
