it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
