there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
