I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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