I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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