I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
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but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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