Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
