I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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