I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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