Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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