i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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