Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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