Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
