those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
is it fun? or sober?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
