Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
