just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
