He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
