just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We talked him into tasing himself.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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