i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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