No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
