I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
