VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I had to cum in my sink.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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