I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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