if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
