Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
