have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
