alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
