i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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