I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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