I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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