There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
