Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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