Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
