If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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