I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
