I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You're a waste of cheezeits
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
