He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
