My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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