We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
