at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
