Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
