...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
