You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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