dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
