I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
