I'm drive I can fine osifer
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
