I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize