Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
