those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
