I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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