Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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